CARING FOR YOUR FAMILY'S EVERY NEED
Information and Resources on Grief
Katie Palmer-House
1.
Grief is a normal and natural process. Means that grief is a common human experience to the death of someone we love and "natural" means that there is a range of thoughts, feelings, and responses to loss that are often associated with grief.
2.
Grief is a social, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual response to loss. Research has found that the stress of bereavement weakens our body's immune system and increases our risk for viral and bacterial illnesses such as colds and flu. Depending on circumstances, the death of a loved one generally requires short and long-term adjustments that affect the everyday course of our lives.
3.
Grief is more like a journey than a destination. Some groups and cultures prescribe or imply customs and norms about the length of mourning. However for most people, grief follows an individualized timeline. Even in families, it is common that members will grieve in unique and different ways. Grief is more like a journey because it suggests that we learn throughout the experience instead of achieving the most profound revelation at its end.
4.
People benefit more from taking steps to cope with grief after a loss than ignoring or denying their feelings. The stressors of everyday life are often compounded when someone we love dies. Taking steps to cope with grief doesn't require "doing" more. Coping with grief is about "being"- being aware of our thoughts and feelings, being open to trying new ways, and being in touch with ever-changing priorities.
5.
Seeking social support to cope with grief is a sign of strength and not weakness. Today's society has the false belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness. However, as John Donne aptly wrote, "No man is an island." We may lose an integral part of our social support system when someone we love dies. Seeking social support is not trying to replace the person we have lost. Instead, increasing social support offers opportunities to recognize personal strengths, to relate to others in new ways, and to understand and perhaps even transform the meaning of a loss.
Here are some ways to get social support to cope:
Books, audiotapes, CDs, and videos on grief, bereavement and mourning: These resources are generally written by professionals (ministers, psychologists, social workers) or individuals who have personal experience with the death of a loved one. An annotated bibliography of recommended books and printed resources is provided below.
Bereavement support groups: Groups led by a volunteer or professional facilitator (at no or a low cost) that offer information and resources and provide opportunities for sharing personal experiences. Hospitals, hospices, faith-based communities, and mental health agencies are good places to check for short-term (workshops) and ongoing support services.
Social workers, certified grief counselors, and clinical psychologists: Sometimes coping with the loss of someone we loved involves resolving conflicts or deeper issues about the relationship or the circumstances surrounding a death. Bereavement professionals are trained to help individuals who are experiencing intense or problematic grief. Sometimes they work with doctors who may prescribe medications to help alleviate troublesome physical symptoms related to grief (e.g., insomnia, depression, anxiety).
Bereavement support groups: Groups led by a volunteer or professional facilitator (at no or a low cost) that offer information and resources and provide opportunities for sharing personal experiences. Hospitals, hospices, faith-based communities, and mental health agencies are good places to check for short-term (workshops) and ongoing support services.
Social workers, certified grief counselors, and clinical psychologists: Sometimes coping with the loss of someone we loved involves resolving conflicts or deeper issues about the relationship or the circumstances surrounding a death. Bereavement professionals are trained to help individuals who are experiencing intense or problematic grief. Sometimes they work with doctors who may prescribe medications to help alleviate troublesome physical symptoms related to grief (e.g., insomnia, depression, anxiety).
Books about Bereavement, Grief and Mourning:
Staudacher, C. (1987). Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering from the Death of a Loved One. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Describes the grief experience, surviving strategies for specific types of loss including spouse, parent, child as well as accidental, suicide and homicide. The final two chapters also address getting help and helping those who grieve.
Describes the grief experience, surviving strategies for specific types of loss including spouse, parent, child as well as accidental, suicide and homicide. The final two chapters also address getting help and helping those who grieve.
Davis, Prend, A. (1997). Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful. New York: Berkley Books.
The author, a licensed certified social worker, outlines three basic stages of acute grief, "transcendence" as a process of making meaning out of loss and the SOAR (spirituality, outreach, attitude, and reinvestment) model of coping with grief.
The author, a licensed certified social worker, outlines three basic stages of acute grief, "transcendence" as a process of making meaning out of loss and the SOAR (spirituality, outreach, attitude, and reinvestment) model of coping with grief.
Doka, K. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
Dr. Doka, a professor of gerontology at the College of New Rochelle, defines"disenfranchised death" as grief that persons experience that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. Topics include grief of ex-spouses, the loss of companion animals, the very old, the developmentally disabled, and perinatal death.
Dr. Doka, a professor of gerontology at the College of New Rochelle, defines"disenfranchised death" as grief that persons experience that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. Topics include grief of ex-spouses, the loss of companion animals, the very old, the developmentally disabled, and perinatal death.
Edelman, H. (1994). Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss. New York: Delta Book.
A journalist, who lost her mother at the age of 17, describes the impact of mother loss through her own experience and interviews with hundreds of survivors. Chapter topics include: "Who She Was, Who I am," Sibling Connections (and Disconnections), and The Female: Phoenix, Creativity, Achievement, and Success.
A journalist, who lost her mother at the age of 17, describes the impact of mother loss through her own experience and interviews with hundreds of survivors. Chapter topics include: "Who She Was, Who I am," Sibling Connections (and Disconnections), and The Female: Phoenix, Creativity, Achievement, and Success.
Arnold, J.C. (2002). Be Not Afraid: Overcoming the Fear of Death. Farmington, PA: The Plough Publishing House of The Bruderhof Foundation.
A pastoral counselor and member of The Bruderhof Communities relates insights about overcoming our human fear of death through stories about love, healing, and forgiveness.
A pastoral counselor and member of The Bruderhof Communities relates insights about overcoming our human fear of death through stories about love, healing, and forgiveness.
For children: Adults should always preview children's books, CDs, and videos about death, loss, and grief to evaluate their suitability in advance. Be sure to use media and audio-visual materials as a resource, and not a replacement, for time to discuss, comfort, and reassure a grieving child.
Brown, L. & Brown, M. (1996). When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death. Boston, MA: Little, Brown and Company.
A classic children's book (ages 6-10) that explains common terms and concepts related to death, grief, mourning, and some funeral customs. Using dinosaur cartoon illustrations, we recommend that a parent or adult read this book with a young child as a way to educate, comfort, and reassure a child who has experienced the death of someone they knew or loved.
A classic children's book (ages 6-10) that explains common terms and concepts related to death, grief, mourning, and some funeral customs. Using dinosaur cartoon illustrations, we recommend that a parent or adult read this book with a young child as a way to educate, comfort, and reassure a child who has experienced the death of someone they knew or loved.
P.O. Box 99 - 3159 Route 22 Dover Plains, NY 12522
Telephone (845) 877-1400 Fax (845) 877-3250
Telephone (845) 877-1400 Fax (845) 877-3250
Larry House
Manager
Funeral Director
Manager
Funeral Director